eirenical | *relieved sigh*

nightsea noted a few days ago when we were talking, I haven't been writing much lately, after a huge spate of months where word flow was never ending. The ironic thing is that her first thought was to wonder what was wrong. She knows me well, my

nightsea does. ^_^ *snugs*

The short version to this very long story is that I'm going to be moving out of my apartment and into my Uncle's house in a few weeks. This is the culmination of a set of circumstances so bloody ridiculous and frustrating that I don't even have the energy to try to detail it for you. Again, the short version is that I've been out on disability for the last 7 months with no income and have been faced with the reality that I may have to leave my chosen profession. I can't get a job that suits what I need to keep my back healthy and the alternative career paths within my field don't want me because I don't have sales experience. *sigh* Which leaves me with the so-appealing choice of going back to school (after 8 f*cking years and a doctorate, damn it) to become something completely different.

*sigh*

And my response to this has been a bit manic. I've had no energy, but at the same time have been completely unable to focus on even the simplest of things. Like watching a damned TV show. Hell, I can't even settle enough to watch things I've DVRed. O_O That's... annoying. To say the least. So, needless to say, writing wasn't happening.

Then a few days ago, I took myself and my writing notebook down to the beach and churned out a few short pages. It wasn't much, but I liked it and I knew where it needed to go in the grand scheme of a larger fic I'm writing. And then there was nothing. Then last night,

msorange21 finally prodded me into editing the next part of a fic that I'm sorta/kinda co-writing with her. You'll note... both of these things I'd written were angst-ridden messes. O_O Well... at least I'm predictable. ^_^ And it is what I do best. ^_^ So, I took a look at the two stories I'm working on: the long one I mentioned (the "wrong" fic of earlier posts ^_^) and a short piece of fluff that was intended to be Berger and Sheila's first meeting at the Jersey Shore. That's the one I wanted to finish, as it's shorter and I haven't posted anything new in a while. Problem was, Sheila was not cooperating. She's not my favorite character and she fights me at every turn. *sigh*

Well, today I finally took one of my favorite author's (Sarah Monette) advice about writer's block and sat myself down and said, "You will finish this thing today. No more excuses. Just do it. If what you planned isn't working, then find another way." I'm in entirely the wrong frame of mind to write full-on fluff. I want to write angst. And I didn't really want to write Sheila... so I wrote Woof, instead. And you know what? 1,536 words later, I have to conclude that it worked. The fic is almost where I want it to be and it feels more like me, now. And just like the closing of Hair feels like the end of an era to me, so the closing of this fic is the end of an era in my ficverse. But you'll have to read it to find out what I mean by that. ^_~

*deep breath* And now I toddle off to hopefully finish this thing and put it to bed in time for my chorale rehearsal tonight. With any luck, I'll finish what I planned to by then, will be able to edit and post when I get back. *crosses fingers*

"Do or do not, there is no try."

Update (6:56 PM) -- 3257 new words total so far for a grand total of 6468. And I think we're nearly done. Won't be able to finish before chorale rehearsal, but I'm damned satisfied with what I did accomplish. ^_^ Hopefully I'll be in the right frame of mind when I get home to finish this sucker. ^_^