Home and Deep Thoughts

[eirenical]

You know... it's amazing how the prospect of being at home with one's family and no obligations towards work makes one feel nearly instantly better. Don't get me wrong -- my back still hurts like a sonuvabitch, but mentally I'm in a far better place than I was last week. *sigh* I've also been fangirling over Gundam Wing and Star Trek of all things. *twitch* Talk about a trip down nostalgia lane to happier, simpler times. Over all, it's making me face a few harsh realities and hard truths that I've tried to avoid looking at too closely in the past year.

1. As much as I enjoy living in Delaware and the life that I'm building there... jobs are way too damned scarce. Meaning that if I'm unhappy with the one I have, I end up with far too severely limited options.

2. As much as I love living near my friends (*snugs a Jess and a Tina*), I miss my family too damned much. My sister is getting married in one week and eventually there will be children there... and I don't want to be "Aunt Renee who lives three hours away and we only see twice a year". I want to be "Aunt Renee who lives across the backyard that picks us up from school for lunch on half days and who we harass every day when we get home and who brings us our glasses and clarinet when we forget them... again". In short, I want my Uncle's life. Maybe with a husband and children of my own thrown in, but essentially... *shrugs* And none of that will happen if I'm not in New York.

3. I may not be cut out for the hours and the physical demands of regular veterinary practice. And let me tell you, in a way, that hurts most of all. I love my patients and I like my clients (most of the time) and practicing veterinary medicine is all I've ever wanted. I invested 14 years of my life into acheiving that dream and I don't want to give it up without a fight. But unfortunately, some things are more important than work. My physical and emotional health have been doing some serious suffering these last few years. And a large part of the reason why is because of stress from work and because I work too damned many hours for my own good. I can't keep doing it. To quote a well-known villain, "If you don't have your health... you don't have anything."

All of this boils down to me having some serious thinking I need to do in the next few weeks while I try to beat my back back into shape. And it means I have to have a serious heart-to-heart with my bosses before I do go back to work. *sigh* None of which I'm really ready to do. But I have to. I need to get my life back on track and off the road to the burn-out. I need to get in shape, I need to find a counselor in DE I can talk to (or go kidnap Bonnie from Kansas... *muses*), I need to actually pursue some of my hobbies, I need to start writing again. Maybe once I rediscover all the things I used to love about myself, I'll be able to crawl out of the quasi-depression that's been consuming my life these last few years. At least I dearly hope so...

*eyes big-@$$ long post* Jeez... where the bloody hell did all that come from? *twitch* Well, wherever it did, at least it felt therapeutic. Maybe I'll even fic. ^_~

Thanks for listening!

Nokoru: *quails in the corner*

Suoh: *patpats* She already killed us once. She wouldn't dare try it again.

Nokoru: *disbelieving look*

Suoh: *sweatdrop* She wouldn't. *pause* Would she?

Nuriko: *sagely* Nothing is for certain in these troubling times.

Eiji: *smirk* You know... Tina was asking her to work on Osozaki Blooms the other day...

Nuriko: *stares in horrified disbelief* Tell me that was a joke. *grabs Eiji by the collar and starts shaking him* Tell me!

Eiji: *shaken, clutches Oishi* @_@

Duo: *patpats* With all the Gundam Wing fanfiction that she's rereading, I wouldn't be too concerned if I were you, Nuriko-san. *under breath* Now if I were me, on the other hand...

Nuriko: *deep heaving breaths* Are you sure?

Duo: *smiles* Who's to say?

Nuriko: *sags* I'm gonna go find Tasuki... and have a nervous breakdown.

Eiji: *sweatdrop* That boy needs some serious help.

Duo: *nodnod* He does indeed... He does indeed.

Comments

[only-seimei.livejournal.com]

*hugs* Ugh. It's frustrating to know that you're good at something, worked hard for it, and should be 'living the dream' but everything seems to be pulling the rug out from under you. :/ I think you should hold onto your veterinary dream, but the plan to move close to home is a good one. The stability of family. Nieces and nephews to spoil. Things to do. It will give you more security so that when the stresses of the job start to pinch your sanity you have something to hold you up. *firm nod* And hobbies! You need to pursue at least one hobby at all times, even if it's a once a week pursuit. It helps you balance your life and interests and let off steam.

Is there a more specialized practice that you could get in on closer to home? What about the vet clinics that specialize in dogs or cats only? It seems like they would be less crazy and less high pressure for the workers.

I wish there was something I could do to make it a little better for you. :)

[rchan.livejournal.com]

*snugs a Seimei* Just knowing someone out there is thinking about me and supporting me in their hearts usually does help. More than you know. *nodnod* ^_^ And I think I'm getting there. This enforced vacation has been good for me in more ways than one. But for now, I figure that I just need to survive my sister's wedding. Everything else can wait until after that. ^_^

[nightsea.livejournal.com]

*piles on the hugs* I wish I had some advice for you in regards to your career, but I think that some time home with your family will help you come to a decision. Once that stress is relieved a bit, I imagine it will help a great deal. And you know what, you're right - it's simply not worth it to stay in a career that's causing you too much stress and pain. It's entirely possible that being closer to home and family will help if you chose to pursue your field on the Island, but time will tell.

Please take care of yourself, Renee. A lot of people love you, including myself. We don't get to see each other enough, and that's something that I want to change. *hugs*

Also, let your sister know that I wish I could be present at her wedding, but my heart and spirit will definitely be there with her. Sadly, two other people from work are taking vacation at the same time, and I was told quite frankly that I wouldn't have a job waiting for me if I left. *sighs* Work really sucks sometimes.

On top of that, my phone died a while ago and took your phone number with it. Could you email me your number so I can give you a call? *snuggs*

[rchan.livejournal.com]

*glomps a Melissa* I know you'll be with us here in spirit. ^_^ We'll just have to get you here in reality another time. *nodnod* ^_^ And I'll be happy to give you my number. ^_^ Right now I'm at my parents' house, so if you remember that one, you can reach me there. If not, I'll e-mail you my other numbers. *snugs*

I appreciate the support, as always. ^_^ And I hope things are going well for you, too!