And it's... introspection time!
Sep. 9th, 2010 09:42 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
eirenical*deep breath* I've been thinking lately... this is not where I thought I'd be this time last year. My life has had some pretty dramatic upheavals in the last 12 months and it has led me down roads that I never thought I'd travel. And it has been one hell of an interesting journey. So, I thought I'd take a brief exploration of the trip, a little comparison of where I've been at Rosh Hashanah's past and present.
So, first and foremost, this time last year, I became an aunt. Watching my niece grow and learn and change has been one of the most fantastic experiences of my life and I'm so very glad I made the decision to come back to NY to be closer to her. ^_^ Nothing can turn around a bad day faster than walking into a room and having your niece give you the biggest most beaming smile you've ever seen... just for showing up. Talk about an ego boost. ^_~
This time last year the honeymoon phase at my new job was wearing off and in accordance, my back started making its dastardly presence known again. For those of you counting, that would be my third back injury in five years. That's three too many. The first warning signs appeared at the end of August and by December it blew out completely... and I haven't been back to work since. And you know something? For the most part, I don't miss it. I loved what I did but not everything that came along with it that they don't warn you about in school -- the excessively long hours, the clients who can't pay for anything and won't let you do anything to help their pet and, worst of all, the emergencies that you know needed to be at an emergency hospital but end up with you because the client can't afford it. I am not good in most emergencies. I freeze up like a deer in headlights. I know that. Unfortunately, what they don't tell you in school is that even in private practice, you deal with more than your fair share of emergencies. Uncool. So, by this time last year, I was starting to get severely depressed with how, yet again, I felt like everyone around me thought I was the village idiot. Nothing feels worse than losing the respect of your techs because of a lack of confidence in yourself. Because that, my friends, is an endlessly looping downward spiral.
And this time last year... I hadn't seen Hair. I hadn't met![[livejournal.com profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/external/lj-userinfo.gif)
msorange21, or Shannon, or zoicite. I hadn't seen Bloody, Bloody Andrew Jackson ("And really tight pants!") or heard of Gavin Creel, Will Swenson or Bryce Ryness. I hadn't seen Abraham Lincoln's Big Gay Dance Party (Ben Roberts! *_*). I hadn't walked Central Park or the beach at Robert Moses State Park. I hadn't created a Hair fanfic archive ^_~ or had three months where I hit, or almost hit, a NaNoWriMo word count. I hadn't been introduced to Andrew Lee Potts -- and where the hell's he been my whole life? I'd never stage-doored. I'd never met Tony Shalhoub, Justin Bartha or Ace Young. I hadn't gotten back in touch with one of my oldest and dearest friends, nightsea, and discovered that yes... we can still spend 2+ hours on the phone with each other and not run out of things to say. (Mental note: Must make plans to visit Indiana. ^_^) I hadn't discovered that the style of clothing I'd been trying to recreate all my life was my mother's wardrobe from the 60s. I'd never worn a peace sign.
I couldn't walk more than half a city block without stopping to rest an ankle or my back. I weighed 50 lbs. more. I hadn't rediscovered my love of crafting. I didn't have a sewing machine and I'd never made an article of clothing that I would willingly, and eagerly, wear in public. I didn't recycle and I hardly ever remembered to bring my reusable bags to the supermarket. I had never worn size 12 pants. ^_^ I didn't have an internet-capable, touchscreen phone with a slide keyboard -- hell, I didn't even have my laptop, then! I didn't know how much of the music I'd loved all my life was brought to us by the Beatles. I'd never been in Grass Roots or the Hippie Shop. I'd never seen a friend's parents drunk. (Though that was one kick-ass 4th of July party! ;D) I'd never seen an old classmate (like elementary school through college kind of old @_@;;;) and fond acquaintance play a name-part in a major Broadway musical.
I never gave serious consideration to how much I love teaching or how much better suited to my personality that career might be. I never thought that I would decline my parents' offer to pay for graduate school in spite of having no income.
*deep breath* In short... I've come a hell of a long way in a year. My life now bears almost no resemblance to my life of last year. And do you know something incredible? I don't miss that old life. That old me was depressed, tremendously overweight, had very few friends and had long since misplaced many of the things she used to love most about herself. This new me feels good, is energetic, has made some awesome new friends because she was brave enough to reach out to them and hold on once she had them, and has discovered and rediscovered a hoard of new hobbies and interests that she'd long since forgotten. She's happy. She has a purpose in life. She feels like she's moving forward into a bright new future when before there was only darkness. I can't even begin to express what an unbelievable feeling that that is. So, though I never thought I'd even think this, much less say it... I'm grateful for my back injury. I'm grateful for this year. Most of all, I'm grateful for my family and my friends, without whom I would never have made it this far.
L'shana Tovah tikateivu v'teichateimu! -- May you be written and sealed for a good year and thank you all so very much!
.
.
.
*coughs* OK, I'm not done. I need to brag about one last thing. ^_^
And I never thought that the single most exciting thing that would happen to me on Rosh Hashanah 5771 would be that I would buy tickets to go see Hair for a sixth time... in New Haven... on October 23rd, 2010. That's right, folks -- I have my tickets!!! :Dzoicite was kind enough to let me bully her into coming with me. I have had butterflies in my stomach and a racing heart ever since I gave the lady on the phone my credit card number. To quote myself... "It's been too long. My heart is too full for words." And to paraphrase from my people...
"Next year in Jerusalem, sure... But next month in New Haven, first!" ;D ;D
So, first and foremost, this time last year, I became an aunt. Watching my niece grow and learn and change has been one of the most fantastic experiences of my life and I'm so very glad I made the decision to come back to NY to be closer to her. ^_^ Nothing can turn around a bad day faster than walking into a room and having your niece give you the biggest most beaming smile you've ever seen... just for showing up. Talk about an ego boost. ^_~
This time last year the honeymoon phase at my new job was wearing off and in accordance, my back started making its dastardly presence known again. For those of you counting, that would be my third back injury in five years. That's three too many. The first warning signs appeared at the end of August and by December it blew out completely... and I haven't been back to work since. And you know something? For the most part, I don't miss it. I loved what I did but not everything that came along with it that they don't warn you about in school -- the excessively long hours, the clients who can't pay for anything and won't let you do anything to help their pet and, worst of all, the emergencies that you know needed to be at an emergency hospital but end up with you because the client can't afford it. I am not good in most emergencies. I freeze up like a deer in headlights. I know that. Unfortunately, what they don't tell you in school is that even in private practice, you deal with more than your fair share of emergencies. Uncool. So, by this time last year, I was starting to get severely depressed with how, yet again, I felt like everyone around me thought I was the village idiot. Nothing feels worse than losing the respect of your techs because of a lack of confidence in yourself. Because that, my friends, is an endlessly looping downward spiral.
And this time last year... I hadn't seen Hair. I hadn't met
msorange21, or Shannon, or zoicite. I hadn't seen Bloody, Bloody Andrew Jackson ("And really tight pants!") or heard of Gavin Creel, Will Swenson or Bryce Ryness. I hadn't seen Abraham Lincoln's Big Gay Dance Party (Ben Roberts! *_*). I hadn't walked Central Park or the beach at Robert Moses State Park. I hadn't created a Hair fanfic archive ^_~ or had three months where I hit, or almost hit, a NaNoWriMo word count. I hadn't been introduced to Andrew Lee Potts -- and where the hell's he been my whole life? I'd never stage-doored. I'd never met Tony Shalhoub, Justin Bartha or Ace Young. I hadn't gotten back in touch with one of my oldest and dearest friends, nightsea, and discovered that yes... we can still spend 2+ hours on the phone with each other and not run out of things to say. (Mental note: Must make plans to visit Indiana. ^_^) I hadn't discovered that the style of clothing I'd been trying to recreate all my life was my mother's wardrobe from the 60s. I'd never worn a peace sign.I couldn't walk more than half a city block without stopping to rest an ankle or my back. I weighed 50 lbs. more. I hadn't rediscovered my love of crafting. I didn't have a sewing machine and I'd never made an article of clothing that I would willingly, and eagerly, wear in public. I didn't recycle and I hardly ever remembered to bring my reusable bags to the supermarket. I had never worn size 12 pants. ^_^ I didn't have an internet-capable, touchscreen phone with a slide keyboard -- hell, I didn't even have my laptop, then! I didn't know how much of the music I'd loved all my life was brought to us by the Beatles. I'd never been in Grass Roots or the Hippie Shop. I'd never seen a friend's parents drunk. (Though that was one kick-ass 4th of July party! ;D) I'd never seen an old classmate (like elementary school through college kind of old @_@;;;) and fond acquaintance play a name-part in a major Broadway musical.
I never gave serious consideration to how much I love teaching or how much better suited to my personality that career might be. I never thought that I would decline my parents' offer to pay for graduate school in spite of having no income.
*deep breath* In short... I've come a hell of a long way in a year. My life now bears almost no resemblance to my life of last year. And do you know something incredible? I don't miss that old life. That old me was depressed, tremendously overweight, had very few friends and had long since misplaced many of the things she used to love most about herself. This new me feels good, is energetic, has made some awesome new friends because she was brave enough to reach out to them and hold on once she had them, and has discovered and rediscovered a hoard of new hobbies and interests that she'd long since forgotten. She's happy. She has a purpose in life. She feels like she's moving forward into a bright new future when before there was only darkness. I can't even begin to express what an unbelievable feeling that that is. So, though I never thought I'd even think this, much less say it... I'm grateful for my back injury. I'm grateful for this year. Most of all, I'm grateful for my family and my friends, without whom I would never have made it this far.
L'shana Tovah tikateivu v'teichateimu! -- May you be written and sealed for a good year and thank you all so very much!
.
.
.
*coughs* OK, I'm not done. I need to brag about one last thing. ^_^
And I never thought that the single most exciting thing that would happen to me on Rosh Hashanah 5771 would be that I would buy tickets to go see Hair for a sixth time... in New Haven... on October 23rd, 2010. That's right, folks -- I have my tickets!!! :D
zoicite was kind enough to let me bully her into coming with me. I have had butterflies in my stomach and a racing heart ever since I gave the lady on the phone my credit card number. To quote myself... "It's been too long. My heart is too full for words." And to paraphrase from my people... "Next year in Jerusalem, sure... But next month in New Haven, first!" ;D ;D
![[identity profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/openid.png){kind=small}
no subject
Date: 2010-09-10 01:57 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2010-09-10 02:03 am (UTC)*huge snuggly glomps* Love you, too, sweetie!!! :D
And for the record... I'm totally impressed that you actually read through the whole post. ^_~ Then again, you're awfully good about reading my ramblings!
no subject
Date: 2010-09-10 12:30 pm (UTC)Seriously, 2010 has been a ride. I'm not sure it's been a good one on my side, but reading your posts always brings my mood up. It feels good to see all that you've accomplished, and it makes me feel motivated to keep on keep'in on. :)
No matter what, remember this, "You rock!" Chibis for the win. *nod*
no subject
Date: 2010-09-10 02:46 pm (UTC)*hugs* But I'm glad I cheered you up. ^_^ It makes my heart swell with joy to hear that. (Wow, did that ever sound cheesy. O_O;;;) *coughs* Anyway, you're a good person, you deserve to be happy and I'm glad I got to play a part, however small, in that. ^_____^
*massive cuddly chibi glomp!!* Chibis most definitely, FTW!
Feed the tree! :D