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eirenicalSo... I realize it's been a while. *eyes the tumbleweeds blowing across the LJ... again* I'm going to keep this short and sweet because it's 2:30 AM and I need to go to sleep. O_O *rubs eyes*
And anyone who can ID where the icon quote came from... is very cool! ^_^ *hugs her new favorite books*
1. Pick a character, pairing, or fandom you like.
2. Turn on your music player and put it on random/shuffle.
3. Write a drabble related to each song that plays. You only have the time frame of the song to finish the drabble; you start when the song starts, and stop when it's over. No lingering afterwards!
4. Do ten of these, then post them.
Chosen fandom: Party of Five; Charlie/Bailey -- Yes, you read that right. Yes, I know they’re brothers.
For those of you who don’t remember, Party of Five was a teen drama that played for 6 years in the late ‘90s. The basic gist of the plot was that the parents of these five children (Charlie, 24; Bailey, 16; Julia, 15? 14?; Claudia, 11; and Owen, < 1) died in a car crash. In order for them to all stay together, Charlie is appointed their legal guardian.
The relationship between the two older brothers always fascinated me, to be honest. Bailey started out as the more responsible of the two, even though he was younger. Owen’s crib is even in his room after Charlie moves back in. And it’s clear from watching the interactions between the siblings that they all have a special relationship with Bailey. Claudia even admits at one point that of all of them, she loves him best.
So... my kink is slash. And with such a complex and juicy relationship already available... *sheepish grin* What can I say? I’ve already owned up to twincest as being a subset kink (i.e. Hitachiin Kaoru and Hikaru, Ouran High Host Club; FrednGeorge, Harry Potter; etc.)... so why not just plain old brothers? And when browsing around the Internet, I discovered something. There is a woeful lack of Party of Five slash out there... and nothing for Charlie and Bailey. So, since I really wanted to read some and couldn’t find any already written... obviously this was my only choice.
I then came across this meme. So, to kickstart my writing juices, I decided to give it a shot. Now... I’ll tell you right off the bat, I did cheat. I (obviously) took longer than the length of the song to write each of these. *shrugs* So, sue me. ^_^ Also, between songs 7 and 9, I ran through about 3 songs that I either couldn’t stand, or couldn’t make my brain come up with anything resembling ficcage for. I tried with #8, then when 9 and 10 tried to be Michael Jackson’s “Thriller” (not kidding) and Madonna’s “Hey, Mr. D.J.” (when I’d already done a club/dance drabble), I made the executive decision to cheat and skip to something better. Fortunately, the next two songs that came up (9 and 10) were eminently better for ficcing. ^_^
Warning: These are not in anything even approaching chronological order, but I think they actually make sense in the order they were written. If you want them chronologically, they would go something like this: 7, 4, 6, 1, 8, 2, 9, 5, 10, 3 (or 3, 10, depending on how you look at these things. ^_^). My favorites: 4, 7, 9 with 10 and the back 1/3 of 1 coming in close seconds... and 3 was just plain fun. Least favorite? 8 sucks. It sucks bad. Bleh. Most of these drabbles are rated G, 1 and 10 might earn PGs. But that’s about it. ^_^ OK, done talking now. Enjoy!
1. Wake Me Up Before You Go-Go -- Wham
When Bailey slipped out of the house (again) on a school night, Charlie had been more than a little angry. Every time that he felt he was beginning to get a handle on the new role that his life had thrust upon him, one of his siblings could always be counted upon to jump up and throw a wrench into the works.
Julia he felt he had pegged. Young girl, burgeoning womanhood, suddenly bereft of her mother. All of the problems that she was going through, they at least fit that picture. And with Kirsten now in her life, she seemed to be straightening back out.
Claudia was in much the same boat as Julia. A young girl needed a mother figure in her life, especially at such crucial periods of time as those two were at. Claudia, at least, had her passion for the violin and while she might have lost her parents, she still had her love of music and the steady figure of Ross in her life.
The only one that he could not figure out, no matter how hard he tried, was his younger brother. Bailey had never been such an enigma to him growing up. When he had been in high school and Bailey had been a child, he had displayed a love for his older brother that bordered on hero worship. He dogged at his heels every chance that he got. And of course, Charlie had been less than receptive to that role at the time.
How things had changed... Charlie had returned to this house, angry, confused and more than a little resentful at his new lot in life. The one bright spot in this bleak new existence, however, was the thought of coming home to his brother’s ever--present, infectious smile that -- no matter how irritated he might have been at the tag-a-long -- never failed to brighten his day.
What he actually found didn’t match up at all. If he was resentful, Bailey was more so. If he was angry and frustrated, Bailey was more so. Oh, it was still his little brother underneath all of that teen angst, sure. Bailey was still kind and thoughtful and generous... but he was different. Charlie couldn’t deny it. And now that Kirsten had come into their lives and improved them in so many ways... if anything, Bailey seemed to be worse. Going out all nights and all hours, with never even a phone call to let his brother know that he was all right.
And now this.
Charlie could only stare in disbelief at the undulating figure on the dance floor. That the dancer was beautiful was unquestionable. That the dancer had a grace that Charlie never believed he could find in this, of all places, was undeniable. That it was his baby brother... that particular fact didn’t compute. Dancing alone in the middle of the floor, oblivious to the women (and two men) around him trying to engage his attention, he seemed like some sort of ethereal sprite only recently come to the world of men. He didn’t look like he belonged. He looked... lonely.
Until those smoky, hazel eyes snapped open and locked with Charlie’s. There... there was that ever-bright smile that he had missed. His mind barely registering what he was doing, Charlie’s body answered that bright smile and let it draw him forward onto the dance floor. Rules be damned. He wanted his brother back.
2. Blaze of Glory -- Bon Jovi
Charlie had never felt so bereft in his entire life. Not with Rebecca. Not with his parents. Never. And the truly ironic thing was that he hadn’t lost anyone. Not really. It was his brother who was grieving. And the loss was slowly destroying him. It had taken time, too much time, for Bailey to recover from their parents’ death, to smile again like he had as a child. It wasn’t fair. He had lost so very much in the last year, it seemed that now that he had finally managed to find a small piece of happiness to truly call his own the world had just been determined to take it away from him.
The others didn’t fully understand what was going on with their brother – neither did Charlie for that matter. All they knew was that the center of their family was suddenly out of balance. Charlie hadn’t fully realized until this newest tragedy exactly how much the precarious balance that their world rested on depended on his little brother. In retrospect, however, it shouldn’t have surprised him so completely. If you asked any of the speaking members of the Salinger family who their favorite sibling was, all three of them would answer “Bailey”. It wouldn’t really surprise him if Owen felt the same way, too, once he could talk. And now that Bailey wasn’t “there”... they were all feeling it.
Charlie could only hope that he could find some way to reach his brother before his grief over Jill’s death broke him completely. Because one thing was for certain... that would be one loss that this family would never recover from.
3. Searchin’ My Soul Tonight – Vonda Sheppard
He’s watching me again... Charlie lifted his eyes from his newspaper just in time to catch Bailey’s flitting back down to his textbook. A small smile quirked the corners of his mouth as he took the opportunity to observe his brother in turn. It had almost become a game between them. He would sit down on the couch in the living room reading a newspaper or a book, maybe going over accounts from the restaurant. At some point in the evening, Bailey would wander in carrying his homework and settle down on the floor in front of the coffee table and start studying.
And then the game would begin. Roughly 5-10 minutes after Bailey had settled in, he would feel those hazel eyes lift up to rest on him. What his brother was looking at or for, Charlie had no idea, but his brother’s gaze was almost tangible as it analyzed his form from top to bottom. This would repeat itself several times before the night was over and Bailey would pack up his books, give him a quiet smile and announce that he was going to bed. Charlie would wish him a good night and the game would be over.
It wasn’t until 3 weeks later that he got up the courage to return volley. The game started out as usual, but this time, just before he felt Bailey’s eyes turn away from him, Charlie had raised his own and they had met. It was only a moment of contact, but it was electric. Bailey had smiled, a little smirk lurking at the corner of his usual gentle grin, and let his eyes drop, almost expectantly. And Charlie had obliged, allowing his eyes to wander his brother’s form as intently as his brother’s had for him. And he found himself noticing things that he usually didn’t: the almost artful tousle of Bailey’s unruly hair, the gleaming sparkle of his hazel eyes, the way even the concentrated furrowing of his brow made his dimples stand out. It had bothered him at first, that he noticed these things. But now, after months of the same game... he found himself bothered less.
And it was not until tonight that Charlie finally understood the purpose of this game. For as the next round of watching ended, Charlie’s gaze rising as Bailey’s should have dropped... Bailey allowed himself to hold their locked gaze. And the only thing that Charlie’s mind could think to gibber at him as Bailey rose from the floor to join him on the couch was... “Checkmate.”
4. She’s Got a Way – Billy Joel
Owen was crying. Again. It was only his third night of actually living in the old Salinger house and Charlie was already heartily tired of that sound. He groggily stared at the clock and nearly groaned out loud when he read the numbers -- 2:00 AM... again. Wearily he pulled himself out of bed and threw on a robe... then nearly gave himself heart failure when he saw the figure at the foot of his bed.
“Who’s there?”
The figure didn’t even look up as he lifted Owen from his crib, “It’s just me, Charlie. Go back to sleep.”
Bailey. Of course, it was Bailey. Charlie sat back down on the bed with a groan, “Why did I ever think it was a good idea to move his crib in here?”
His brother didn’t even bother to answer as he carried Owen over to their mother’s old rocking chair and settled in with him. Owen soon quieted under Bailey’s care and slowly started drifting back off to sleep. Charlie couldn’t help but wonder where his teenaged brother had picked up such skill. For it was undeniably there. There was such a soothing presence about him... Amazing, really, that he’d never noticed it before.
Bailey rose from the rocking chair and lowered Owen back into his crib. Only then did he turn and raise an eyebrow at his older brother, “Don’t tell me you’re waiting for me to rock you back to sleep, too, Charlie. There’s no way we’d both fit in the chair.”
Charlie stared at him for a moment before throwing a pillow at his head. Bailey just laughed and scampered back out the door, calling, “Good night, Charlie!”
5. It’s the End of the World As We Know It -- REM
Charlie stared down at his hands, for he couldn’t look at her. Marry her today or it’s over? Charlie felt a helpless flutter in his chest at the mere thought of those words. He didn’t want to lose Kirsten. He loved her! He truly did. She fit into their lives as though she was made to be there. And what would Owen, Claudia and Julia -- who already thought of her as a mother figure -- do with her gone? They would be right back to all of the same problems they’d had at the beginning. The fact was... the girls and Owen needed a mother.
But that was the crux of the problem, wasn’t it? Did Charlie love her because he was in love with her... or did he love her because he felt he should? That this was just one more obligation he was required to fulfill as the new head of the Salinger family. He just didn’t know. And that was why he couldn’t make this choice just yet. Because to marry Kirsten because of a sense of responsibility he felt towards his younger siblings... that would be the wrong choice for both of them.
Surprisingly, though, when he told the others of his decision... it was Bailey’s eyes that were shining with tears.
6. Wild Nights -- John Mellencamp ((R-chan: *stares at her Winamp, then bursts into giggles* You love me, you really love me! XD *snickers*))
Charlie sighed as Bailey pushed his way past Kirsten into the room. It wasn’t his fault that Owen had developed a fever. It wasn’t his fault that Kirsten had volunteered to assist in Owen-watch that night. It wasn’t his fault that the agreed upon sleeping arrangement thus ended up being Kirsten and Owen in Bailey’s room and Bailey in Charlie’s room. But Charlie still couldn’t help but be mildly resentful...
Bailey settled into bed next to him with a quiet sigh. Then just before he turned out the light, Bailey rolled over and gave him a sly smile, “Well, Charlie, I may not be exactly what you were hoping for... but at least I’ll still respect you in the morning.”
((R-chan: *dies* I just couldn’t do it. *sobs* I really wanted to, though... *sad chibi sniffles*))
7. Purachina -- Maaya Sakamoto ((R-chan: *stares* And now my Winamp hates me... What the hell am I going to do with this one?)) [3rd opening theme for Card Captor Sakura -- erm... the connection will make more sense if you read the lyrics...?]
Charlie couldn’t quite believe his ears. He and Bailey and Claudia had been sitting in the living room together, all engaged in their own activities, when a simple request on his part had torn the whole night apart. He had looked at the clock and realized that it was heading towards the time of night when his 11 year old sister should go to bed and he’d suggested that she do so. Her reaction was understandable. No 5th grader ever wanted to go to sleep when told. No, it was Bailey’s reaction that he found so very incomprehensible.
When he’d tried to assert his authority, Bailey had turned on him in a fit of what he could only call righteous indignation. He’d railed at him about the essential truth that he wasn’t needed or wanted as a father, just as a source of income. And those words, coming from the brother who had once adored him above all others, they cut him to the quick.
But what hurt even more was what he had heard after he had stormed out of the room. Bailey quietly telling Claudia to wash up for bed and Claudia, no questions asked, complying. What was it about Bailey that he had stepped into that role so easily? He was a miracle-worker with Owen, Claudia followed his directives without question... he could even guilt Julia into doing some of the work around the house. It was as though he’d been playing father to the three of them for far longer than the few weeks that it had been. And how was Charlie to compete with that? Especially when the one person that he really wanted to rely on him, the one that he most wanted to look up to him again, was the one that had just so forcefully told him that his input wasn’t needed, just his ability to earn a paycheck.
It was at that moment that Charlie Salinger resolved to do better. He had to. Because facing that disdain in his brother’s eyes again would destroy him more surely than taking on a job that he didn’t enjoy ever could.
8. Poison Arrow -- ABC
Charlie was forced to admit that he didn’t understand. There were so many ways in which he and Bailey were complete and total opposites and he really should be used to that by now. But this one... he just didn’t get it. A football scholarship could mean the difference in Bailey being able to go to college or not. But his stubborn younger brother just didn’t seem to want what was best for him. And the fact that he couldn’t understand that seemed to be forming an ever-widening rift between them. It was killing him. But he just didn’t see what was so wrong about wanted his little brother to not have to suffer for once. Just for once for him to have something come easily his way. Was that really so much to ask?
((R-chan: Meh. So, OK -- I don’t really like this song, I’m not sure how it ended up on my Winamp... and one throwaway in a list of 10 drabbles isn’t so bad, is it?))
9. Akai Suna, Shiroi Hana [Red Sand, White Flower] -- Arai Akino ((Lyrics can be found here.))
~I am not gonna feel that way about anyone anymore! I am not gonna love anyone anymore. I can’t... I can’t. Please... It’s too hard. It’s too hard, and it hurts too much. So I don’t want to love anyone, and I don’t want anyone to love me.~
Hearing Bailey say those words -- those damning, damning words -- it nearly destroyed him. This was what had been going through Bailey’s mind since Jill’s death? How had this been going on without him noticing? He’d seen the shock, he’d seen the withdrawal, but he hadn’t even begun to suspect that this was what Bailey was hiding under his apathy.
It wasn’t fair. Of them all, in many ways, Bailey had suffered the most through this entire ordeal. He’d taken on responsibility for their family when even Charlie wasn’t ready. And just when he’d finally started to trust enough to let go and try to be sixteen again... this was the result. It was a small wonder that they hadn’t lost him over this. Although, in all honesty, if Charlie couldn’t pull him back from this precipice, they would lose him.
And for his gentle, caring, overly generous little brother to end up isolated and alone, unable and unwilling to reach out to any of his loved ones for fear that he would lose them... that was a travesty that he would not allow. They loved him too much and they needed him too much. Without Bailey, this life that they were all finally building for themselves would fall apart.
Charlie stepped closer to his brother as that outpouring of words finally stopped. Ignoring the knife that stabbed him through the heart with each desperate plea that Bailey uttered from him not to come any closer, he crowded in, not allowing him any chance to escape. Pulling Bailey gently but inexorably into an embrace he answered his torrent of pain with a simple truth...
“Well, that’s too bad. You don’t have a choice. Because I love you, Bay. I love you.”
Bailey resisted his embrace for several long moments before finally wilting against him and starting to weep, voice choking on one last plea, “Charlie...”
Charlie answered it like he had all the other protests. He tightened his arms and repeated himself, “I love you.” And then silently he vowed to himself that if he had to stand here for a year repeating that phrase, if he had to shelter Bailey with his own arms forever, then that was what he would do. Anything he had to do to keep his brother safe and happy. Because he’d already suffered enough and Charlie would be truly damned if he let it happen again.
10. Suteki Da Ne (lyrics)-- Final Fantasy X ((BTW, can you still call it a drabble if it’s two pages long? Just checking... ^_^))
Charlie started at the sound of a soft footfall behind him. Bailey smiled an apologetic smile at him and stepped up next to him on the porch. Charlie answered his smile with one of his own and held out an arm. Bailey tucked himself against his brother’s side as Charlie completed his one-armed embrace.
“What’s the matter, Charlie? Couldn’t sleep?”
Charlie smiled as he tightened his arm to bring Bailey closer, “I could ask you the same thing. It’s nearly 3 AM.”
Bailey shrugged, “With you gone, it started to get cold. Then when you were gone so long, I got worried. So sue me.”
Charlie laughed, “Not likely.”
Bailey’s patient look was infamous. Everyone gave in when it was turned their way. Unfortunately for Charlie, he wasn’t immune, either. He caved as well, “I’m worried about tomorrow. How can I not be? We might lose them all...”
A quiet sigh was his brother’s first response. Bailey then shook his head lightly, “Charlie... I can understand your fear, but I’m afraid that just this once, I can’t share it.” Bailey stepped out from under his arm to slide in front on him and perch on the porch rail. He cupped his older brother’s face in his hands, “I’m happy, Charlie. You’re happy. They’re going to understand that. They’re going to be happy for us, too. I just have a feeling about this one. You’re going to have to trust me.”
Charlie shook his head, “I’m sorry, Bay. I don’t mean to be a wet blanket.”
Bailey frowned, “Do you regret this? Wish you’d chosen an easier path? One less taboo? Maybe stayed with Kirsten? Never started this with me...?”
Charlie stepped forward and clasped his brother in a tight embrace, “Never, Bay. Never. I don’t regret a single second of what we share. I just regret that it might cause trouble for you. I don’t ever want to see you unhappy again.”
Smaller arms gently lifted to wrap around him in return, “Good. Then that’s all we need, Charlie. Owen accepts us because we’ve never given him cause to doubt. We just have to show that faith to Claude and Julia, too. You’ll see. It will all work out.”
“You’re right.” Charlie took a small step back to look down into his brother’s eyes, “We can’t keep this between us forever... And I wouldn’t want to, anyway. You’re right. Our family -- our whole family -- has a right to share in our joy.”
The brilliant smile that Bailey turned up at him was all the answer he needed. He bent down and gently touched his lips to the younger man’s. Bailey responded with a kiss so sweet and full of love that Charlie wished it could go on forever. A quiet “harrumph” from behind him on the porch, however, ensured that that would not be happening.
Owen cleared his throat again and raised an eyebrow when his two brothers turned to face him with a light blush tinting both of their cheeks, “You know, guys... there is such a thing as taking romance a bit too far. I mean, really... necking on the porch? Aren’t you a little old for that sort of stuff?”
Bailey, the ungrateful brat, snickered from his spot on the porch railing. Charlie tried to muster up a stern frown for the boy who had been like a son to him these last 15 years, “And aren’t you a little too young to still be awake at this hour on a week night?”
Owen merely smiled an impish grin -- a trait that Charlie was sure he’d picked up from Bailey -- and shook a finger at them both, “Unless you’ve forgotten, tomorrow starts Thanksgiving break. I don’t have to be at school. Unlike some people who do have to be at work...”
Charlie groaned, “Don’t remind me...”
Bailey’s smile stretched to match Owen’s. With the importance of this particular Thanksgiving, Bailey had thought it best to have the family over to the house instead of to Salinger’s this year, and so had made the decision to close the restaurant for Thanksgiving. So the only people he had to worry about cooking for were the actual Salingers and their respective families.
Charlie lifted a hand to rub at his forehead, “Just... don’t.”
Bailey made a zipping motion over his lips. Owen stepped up to join them at the railing and put a hand on each of their shoulders, “Really, you guys need to just chill. I’m not so young that I don’t understand how... unusual... your relationship is, but I’d have to be blind to not see how happy you make each other. People can search a lifetime to find a fraction of the joy you two have. Claudia and Julia will feel the same way, too. All we’ve ever wanted is for you both to be happy.”
Charlie was just about to thank Owen when Bailey ran right over him with a suspicious, “Owen... what exactly did you tell them when you invited them over for Thanksgiving?”
Owen just winked and broadened his grin, “Nothing much.”
Charlie’s eyes narrowed, “What exactly do you mean by ‘Nothing much’?”
Owen laughed, “Just that they wouldn’t have to pretend they didn’t know again this year... Though I did suggest that for your sake that they at least pretend to be a little surprised.”
Charlie turned around and buried his head in Bailey’s neck, mumbling, “I’m getting too old for this...”
* * *
Charlie woke slowly this Thanksgiving morning, unwilling to face what he was sure must be coming. In spite of Owen’s reassurances, he just couldn’t believe that things would be that... easy. He slowly became aware that something wasn’t right. Stretching out a hand to his left, he encountered nothing but empty space... cold, empty space. Jerking to full wakefulness, Charlie scanned the bedroom and finally figured out what was out of place.
With a quiet moan of grief, he let go of the dream-that-wasn’t in favor of the reality-that-was. It was 1996, not 2009. Bailey had only ever slept in his bed when forced to by short-handed sleeping arrangements and didn’t think of him as anything more than a brother. But more and more often lately, as evidenced by that dream, Charlie desperately wished that he would. His own happiness was already so wound up in his brother’s that by now, to his mind, at least, this was the next logical step.
But Bailey would never see it that way...
He stumbled down the stairs in a less than generous mood, frowning the entire way... until he walked into the kitchen. Bailey was at the table, trying to coax Owen into eating his cereal with his spoon instead of his fingers. And when his eyes lifted and met Charlie’s... there was a world of joy spread out in them, and maybe, just maybe... the hope of something more.
Questions, comments, papayas?
And anyone who can ID where the icon quote came from... is very cool! ^_^ *hugs her new favorite books*
1. Pick a character, pairing, or fandom you like.
2. Turn on your music player and put it on random/shuffle.
3. Write a drabble related to each song that plays. You only have the time frame of the song to finish the drabble; you start when the song starts, and stop when it's over. No lingering afterwards!
4. Do ten of these, then post them.
Chosen fandom: Party of Five; Charlie/Bailey -- Yes, you read that right. Yes, I know they’re brothers.
For those of you who don’t remember, Party of Five was a teen drama that played for 6 years in the late ‘90s. The basic gist of the plot was that the parents of these five children (Charlie, 24; Bailey, 16; Julia, 15? 14?; Claudia, 11; and Owen, < 1) died in a car crash. In order for them to all stay together, Charlie is appointed their legal guardian.
The relationship between the two older brothers always fascinated me, to be honest. Bailey started out as the more responsible of the two, even though he was younger. Owen’s crib is even in his room after Charlie moves back in. And it’s clear from watching the interactions between the siblings that they all have a special relationship with Bailey. Claudia even admits at one point that of all of them, she loves him best.
So... my kink is slash. And with such a complex and juicy relationship already available... *sheepish grin* What can I say? I’ve already owned up to twincest as being a subset kink (i.e. Hitachiin Kaoru and Hikaru, Ouran High Host Club; FrednGeorge, Harry Potter; etc.)... so why not just plain old brothers? And when browsing around the Internet, I discovered something. There is a woeful lack of Party of Five slash out there... and nothing for Charlie and Bailey. So, since I really wanted to read some and couldn’t find any already written... obviously this was my only choice.
I then came across this meme. So, to kickstart my writing juices, I decided to give it a shot. Now... I’ll tell you right off the bat, I did cheat. I (obviously) took longer than the length of the song to write each of these. *shrugs* So, sue me. ^_^ Also, between songs 7 and 9, I ran through about 3 songs that I either couldn’t stand, or couldn’t make my brain come up with anything resembling ficcage for. I tried with #8, then when 9 and 10 tried to be Michael Jackson’s “Thriller” (not kidding) and Madonna’s “Hey, Mr. D.J.” (when I’d already done a club/dance drabble), I made the executive decision to cheat and skip to something better. Fortunately, the next two songs that came up (9 and 10) were eminently better for ficcing. ^_^
Warning: These are not in anything even approaching chronological order, but I think they actually make sense in the order they were written. If you want them chronologically, they would go something like this: 7, 4, 6, 1, 8, 2, 9, 5, 10, 3 (or 3, 10, depending on how you look at these things. ^_^). My favorites: 4, 7, 9 with 10 and the back 1/3 of 1 coming in close seconds... and 3 was just plain fun. Least favorite? 8 sucks. It sucks bad. Bleh. Most of these drabbles are rated G, 1 and 10 might earn PGs. But that’s about it. ^_^ OK, done talking now. Enjoy!
1. Wake Me Up Before You Go-Go -- Wham
When Bailey slipped out of the house (again) on a school night, Charlie had been more than a little angry. Every time that he felt he was beginning to get a handle on the new role that his life had thrust upon him, one of his siblings could always be counted upon to jump up and throw a wrench into the works.
Julia he felt he had pegged. Young girl, burgeoning womanhood, suddenly bereft of her mother. All of the problems that she was going through, they at least fit that picture. And with Kirsten now in her life, she seemed to be straightening back out.
Claudia was in much the same boat as Julia. A young girl needed a mother figure in her life, especially at such crucial periods of time as those two were at. Claudia, at least, had her passion for the violin and while she might have lost her parents, she still had her love of music and the steady figure of Ross in her life.
The only one that he could not figure out, no matter how hard he tried, was his younger brother. Bailey had never been such an enigma to him growing up. When he had been in high school and Bailey had been a child, he had displayed a love for his older brother that bordered on hero worship. He dogged at his heels every chance that he got. And of course, Charlie had been less than receptive to that role at the time.
How things had changed... Charlie had returned to this house, angry, confused and more than a little resentful at his new lot in life. The one bright spot in this bleak new existence, however, was the thought of coming home to his brother’s ever--present, infectious smile that -- no matter how irritated he might have been at the tag-a-long -- never failed to brighten his day.
What he actually found didn’t match up at all. If he was resentful, Bailey was more so. If he was angry and frustrated, Bailey was more so. Oh, it was still his little brother underneath all of that teen angst, sure. Bailey was still kind and thoughtful and generous... but he was different. Charlie couldn’t deny it. And now that Kirsten had come into their lives and improved them in so many ways... if anything, Bailey seemed to be worse. Going out all nights and all hours, with never even a phone call to let his brother know that he was all right.
And now this.
Charlie could only stare in disbelief at the undulating figure on the dance floor. That the dancer was beautiful was unquestionable. That the dancer had a grace that Charlie never believed he could find in this, of all places, was undeniable. That it was his baby brother... that particular fact didn’t compute. Dancing alone in the middle of the floor, oblivious to the women (and two men) around him trying to engage his attention, he seemed like some sort of ethereal sprite only recently come to the world of men. He didn’t look like he belonged. He looked... lonely.
Until those smoky, hazel eyes snapped open and locked with Charlie’s. There... there was that ever-bright smile that he had missed. His mind barely registering what he was doing, Charlie’s body answered that bright smile and let it draw him forward onto the dance floor. Rules be damned. He wanted his brother back.
2. Blaze of Glory -- Bon Jovi
Charlie had never felt so bereft in his entire life. Not with Rebecca. Not with his parents. Never. And the truly ironic thing was that he hadn’t lost anyone. Not really. It was his brother who was grieving. And the loss was slowly destroying him. It had taken time, too much time, for Bailey to recover from their parents’ death, to smile again like he had as a child. It wasn’t fair. He had lost so very much in the last year, it seemed that now that he had finally managed to find a small piece of happiness to truly call his own the world had just been determined to take it away from him.
The others didn’t fully understand what was going on with their brother – neither did Charlie for that matter. All they knew was that the center of their family was suddenly out of balance. Charlie hadn’t fully realized until this newest tragedy exactly how much the precarious balance that their world rested on depended on his little brother. In retrospect, however, it shouldn’t have surprised him so completely. If you asked any of the speaking members of the Salinger family who their favorite sibling was, all three of them would answer “Bailey”. It wouldn’t really surprise him if Owen felt the same way, too, once he could talk. And now that Bailey wasn’t “there”... they were all feeling it.
Charlie could only hope that he could find some way to reach his brother before his grief over Jill’s death broke him completely. Because one thing was for certain... that would be one loss that this family would never recover from.
3. Searchin’ My Soul Tonight – Vonda Sheppard
He’s watching me again... Charlie lifted his eyes from his newspaper just in time to catch Bailey’s flitting back down to his textbook. A small smile quirked the corners of his mouth as he took the opportunity to observe his brother in turn. It had almost become a game between them. He would sit down on the couch in the living room reading a newspaper or a book, maybe going over accounts from the restaurant. At some point in the evening, Bailey would wander in carrying his homework and settle down on the floor in front of the coffee table and start studying.
And then the game would begin. Roughly 5-10 minutes after Bailey had settled in, he would feel those hazel eyes lift up to rest on him. What his brother was looking at or for, Charlie had no idea, but his brother’s gaze was almost tangible as it analyzed his form from top to bottom. This would repeat itself several times before the night was over and Bailey would pack up his books, give him a quiet smile and announce that he was going to bed. Charlie would wish him a good night and the game would be over.
It wasn’t until 3 weeks later that he got up the courage to return volley. The game started out as usual, but this time, just before he felt Bailey’s eyes turn away from him, Charlie had raised his own and they had met. It was only a moment of contact, but it was electric. Bailey had smiled, a little smirk lurking at the corner of his usual gentle grin, and let his eyes drop, almost expectantly. And Charlie had obliged, allowing his eyes to wander his brother’s form as intently as his brother’s had for him. And he found himself noticing things that he usually didn’t: the almost artful tousle of Bailey’s unruly hair, the gleaming sparkle of his hazel eyes, the way even the concentrated furrowing of his brow made his dimples stand out. It had bothered him at first, that he noticed these things. But now, after months of the same game... he found himself bothered less.
And it was not until tonight that Charlie finally understood the purpose of this game. For as the next round of watching ended, Charlie’s gaze rising as Bailey’s should have dropped... Bailey allowed himself to hold their locked gaze. And the only thing that Charlie’s mind could think to gibber at him as Bailey rose from the floor to join him on the couch was... “Checkmate.”
4. She’s Got a Way – Billy Joel
Owen was crying. Again. It was only his third night of actually living in the old Salinger house and Charlie was already heartily tired of that sound. He groggily stared at the clock and nearly groaned out loud when he read the numbers -- 2:00 AM... again. Wearily he pulled himself out of bed and threw on a robe... then nearly gave himself heart failure when he saw the figure at the foot of his bed.
“Who’s there?”
The figure didn’t even look up as he lifted Owen from his crib, “It’s just me, Charlie. Go back to sleep.”
Bailey. Of course, it was Bailey. Charlie sat back down on the bed with a groan, “Why did I ever think it was a good idea to move his crib in here?”
His brother didn’t even bother to answer as he carried Owen over to their mother’s old rocking chair and settled in with him. Owen soon quieted under Bailey’s care and slowly started drifting back off to sleep. Charlie couldn’t help but wonder where his teenaged brother had picked up such skill. For it was undeniably there. There was such a soothing presence about him... Amazing, really, that he’d never noticed it before.
Bailey rose from the rocking chair and lowered Owen back into his crib. Only then did he turn and raise an eyebrow at his older brother, “Don’t tell me you’re waiting for me to rock you back to sleep, too, Charlie. There’s no way we’d both fit in the chair.”
Charlie stared at him for a moment before throwing a pillow at his head. Bailey just laughed and scampered back out the door, calling, “Good night, Charlie!”
5. It’s the End of the World As We Know It -- REM
Charlie stared down at his hands, for he couldn’t look at her. Marry her today or it’s over? Charlie felt a helpless flutter in his chest at the mere thought of those words. He didn’t want to lose Kirsten. He loved her! He truly did. She fit into their lives as though she was made to be there. And what would Owen, Claudia and Julia -- who already thought of her as a mother figure -- do with her gone? They would be right back to all of the same problems they’d had at the beginning. The fact was... the girls and Owen needed a mother.
But that was the crux of the problem, wasn’t it? Did Charlie love her because he was in love with her... or did he love her because he felt he should? That this was just one more obligation he was required to fulfill as the new head of the Salinger family. He just didn’t know. And that was why he couldn’t make this choice just yet. Because to marry Kirsten because of a sense of responsibility he felt towards his younger siblings... that would be the wrong choice for both of them.
Surprisingly, though, when he told the others of his decision... it was Bailey’s eyes that were shining with tears.
6. Wild Nights -- John Mellencamp ((R-chan: *stares at her Winamp, then bursts into giggles* You love me, you really love me! XD *snickers*))
Charlie sighed as Bailey pushed his way past Kirsten into the room. It wasn’t his fault that Owen had developed a fever. It wasn’t his fault that Kirsten had volunteered to assist in Owen-watch that night. It wasn’t his fault that the agreed upon sleeping arrangement thus ended up being Kirsten and Owen in Bailey’s room and Bailey in Charlie’s room. But Charlie still couldn’t help but be mildly resentful...
Bailey settled into bed next to him with a quiet sigh. Then just before he turned out the light, Bailey rolled over and gave him a sly smile, “Well, Charlie, I may not be exactly what you were hoping for... but at least I’ll still respect you in the morning.”
((R-chan: *dies* I just couldn’t do it. *sobs* I really wanted to, though... *sad chibi sniffles*))
7. Purachina -- Maaya Sakamoto ((R-chan: *stares* And now my Winamp hates me... What the hell am I going to do with this one?)) [3rd opening theme for Card Captor Sakura -- erm... the connection will make more sense if you read the lyrics...?]
Charlie couldn’t quite believe his ears. He and Bailey and Claudia had been sitting in the living room together, all engaged in their own activities, when a simple request on his part had torn the whole night apart. He had looked at the clock and realized that it was heading towards the time of night when his 11 year old sister should go to bed and he’d suggested that she do so. Her reaction was understandable. No 5th grader ever wanted to go to sleep when told. No, it was Bailey’s reaction that he found so very incomprehensible.
When he’d tried to assert his authority, Bailey had turned on him in a fit of what he could only call righteous indignation. He’d railed at him about the essential truth that he wasn’t needed or wanted as a father, just as a source of income. And those words, coming from the brother who had once adored him above all others, they cut him to the quick.
But what hurt even more was what he had heard after he had stormed out of the room. Bailey quietly telling Claudia to wash up for bed and Claudia, no questions asked, complying. What was it about Bailey that he had stepped into that role so easily? He was a miracle-worker with Owen, Claudia followed his directives without question... he could even guilt Julia into doing some of the work around the house. It was as though he’d been playing father to the three of them for far longer than the few weeks that it had been. And how was Charlie to compete with that? Especially when the one person that he really wanted to rely on him, the one that he most wanted to look up to him again, was the one that had just so forcefully told him that his input wasn’t needed, just his ability to earn a paycheck.
It was at that moment that Charlie Salinger resolved to do better. He had to. Because facing that disdain in his brother’s eyes again would destroy him more surely than taking on a job that he didn’t enjoy ever could.
8. Poison Arrow -- ABC
Charlie was forced to admit that he didn’t understand. There were so many ways in which he and Bailey were complete and total opposites and he really should be used to that by now. But this one... he just didn’t get it. A football scholarship could mean the difference in Bailey being able to go to college or not. But his stubborn younger brother just didn’t seem to want what was best for him. And the fact that he couldn’t understand that seemed to be forming an ever-widening rift between them. It was killing him. But he just didn’t see what was so wrong about wanted his little brother to not have to suffer for once. Just for once for him to have something come easily his way. Was that really so much to ask?
((R-chan: Meh. So, OK -- I don’t really like this song, I’m not sure how it ended up on my Winamp... and one throwaway in a list of 10 drabbles isn’t so bad, is it?))
9. Akai Suna, Shiroi Hana [Red Sand, White Flower] -- Arai Akino ((Lyrics can be found here.))
~I am not gonna feel that way about anyone anymore! I am not gonna love anyone anymore. I can’t... I can’t. Please... It’s too hard. It’s too hard, and it hurts too much. So I don’t want to love anyone, and I don’t want anyone to love me.~
Hearing Bailey say those words -- those damning, damning words -- it nearly destroyed him. This was what had been going through Bailey’s mind since Jill’s death? How had this been going on without him noticing? He’d seen the shock, he’d seen the withdrawal, but he hadn’t even begun to suspect that this was what Bailey was hiding under his apathy.
It wasn’t fair. Of them all, in many ways, Bailey had suffered the most through this entire ordeal. He’d taken on responsibility for their family when even Charlie wasn’t ready. And just when he’d finally started to trust enough to let go and try to be sixteen again... this was the result. It was a small wonder that they hadn’t lost him over this. Although, in all honesty, if Charlie couldn’t pull him back from this precipice, they would lose him.
And for his gentle, caring, overly generous little brother to end up isolated and alone, unable and unwilling to reach out to any of his loved ones for fear that he would lose them... that was a travesty that he would not allow. They loved him too much and they needed him too much. Without Bailey, this life that they were all finally building for themselves would fall apart.
Charlie stepped closer to his brother as that outpouring of words finally stopped. Ignoring the knife that stabbed him through the heart with each desperate plea that Bailey uttered from him not to come any closer, he crowded in, not allowing him any chance to escape. Pulling Bailey gently but inexorably into an embrace he answered his torrent of pain with a simple truth...
“Well, that’s too bad. You don’t have a choice. Because I love you, Bay. I love you.”
Bailey resisted his embrace for several long moments before finally wilting against him and starting to weep, voice choking on one last plea, “Charlie...”
Charlie answered it like he had all the other protests. He tightened his arms and repeated himself, “I love you.” And then silently he vowed to himself that if he had to stand here for a year repeating that phrase, if he had to shelter Bailey with his own arms forever, then that was what he would do. Anything he had to do to keep his brother safe and happy. Because he’d already suffered enough and Charlie would be truly damned if he let it happen again.
10. Suteki Da Ne (lyrics)-- Final Fantasy X ((BTW, can you still call it a drabble if it’s two pages long? Just checking... ^_^))
Charlie started at the sound of a soft footfall behind him. Bailey smiled an apologetic smile at him and stepped up next to him on the porch. Charlie answered his smile with one of his own and held out an arm. Bailey tucked himself against his brother’s side as Charlie completed his one-armed embrace.
“What’s the matter, Charlie? Couldn’t sleep?”
Charlie smiled as he tightened his arm to bring Bailey closer, “I could ask you the same thing. It’s nearly 3 AM.”
Bailey shrugged, “With you gone, it started to get cold. Then when you were gone so long, I got worried. So sue me.”
Charlie laughed, “Not likely.”
Bailey’s patient look was infamous. Everyone gave in when it was turned their way. Unfortunately for Charlie, he wasn’t immune, either. He caved as well, “I’m worried about tomorrow. How can I not be? We might lose them all...”
A quiet sigh was his brother’s first response. Bailey then shook his head lightly, “Charlie... I can understand your fear, but I’m afraid that just this once, I can’t share it.” Bailey stepped out from under his arm to slide in front on him and perch on the porch rail. He cupped his older brother’s face in his hands, “I’m happy, Charlie. You’re happy. They’re going to understand that. They’re going to be happy for us, too. I just have a feeling about this one. You’re going to have to trust me.”
Charlie shook his head, “I’m sorry, Bay. I don’t mean to be a wet blanket.”
Bailey frowned, “Do you regret this? Wish you’d chosen an easier path? One less taboo? Maybe stayed with Kirsten? Never started this with me...?”
Charlie stepped forward and clasped his brother in a tight embrace, “Never, Bay. Never. I don’t regret a single second of what we share. I just regret that it might cause trouble for you. I don’t ever want to see you unhappy again.”
Smaller arms gently lifted to wrap around him in return, “Good. Then that’s all we need, Charlie. Owen accepts us because we’ve never given him cause to doubt. We just have to show that faith to Claude and Julia, too. You’ll see. It will all work out.”
“You’re right.” Charlie took a small step back to look down into his brother’s eyes, “We can’t keep this between us forever... And I wouldn’t want to, anyway. You’re right. Our family -- our whole family -- has a right to share in our joy.”
The brilliant smile that Bailey turned up at him was all the answer he needed. He bent down and gently touched his lips to the younger man’s. Bailey responded with a kiss so sweet and full of love that Charlie wished it could go on forever. A quiet “harrumph” from behind him on the porch, however, ensured that that would not be happening.
Owen cleared his throat again and raised an eyebrow when his two brothers turned to face him with a light blush tinting both of their cheeks, “You know, guys... there is such a thing as taking romance a bit too far. I mean, really... necking on the porch? Aren’t you a little old for that sort of stuff?”
Bailey, the ungrateful brat, snickered from his spot on the porch railing. Charlie tried to muster up a stern frown for the boy who had been like a son to him these last 15 years, “And aren’t you a little too young to still be awake at this hour on a week night?”
Owen merely smiled an impish grin -- a trait that Charlie was sure he’d picked up from Bailey -- and shook a finger at them both, “Unless you’ve forgotten, tomorrow starts Thanksgiving break. I don’t have to be at school. Unlike some people who do have to be at work...”
Charlie groaned, “Don’t remind me...”
Bailey’s smile stretched to match Owen’s. With the importance of this particular Thanksgiving, Bailey had thought it best to have the family over to the house instead of to Salinger’s this year, and so had made the decision to close the restaurant for Thanksgiving. So the only people he had to worry about cooking for were the actual Salingers and their respective families.
Charlie lifted a hand to rub at his forehead, “Just... don’t.”
Bailey made a zipping motion over his lips. Owen stepped up to join them at the railing and put a hand on each of their shoulders, “Really, you guys need to just chill. I’m not so young that I don’t understand how... unusual... your relationship is, but I’d have to be blind to not see how happy you make each other. People can search a lifetime to find a fraction of the joy you two have. Claudia and Julia will feel the same way, too. All we’ve ever wanted is for you both to be happy.”
Charlie was just about to thank Owen when Bailey ran right over him with a suspicious, “Owen... what exactly did you tell them when you invited them over for Thanksgiving?”
Owen just winked and broadened his grin, “Nothing much.”
Charlie’s eyes narrowed, “What exactly do you mean by ‘Nothing much’?”
Owen laughed, “Just that they wouldn’t have to pretend they didn’t know again this year... Though I did suggest that for your sake that they at least pretend to be a little surprised.”
Charlie turned around and buried his head in Bailey’s neck, mumbling, “I’m getting too old for this...”
* * *
Charlie woke slowly this Thanksgiving morning, unwilling to face what he was sure must be coming. In spite of Owen’s reassurances, he just couldn’t believe that things would be that... easy. He slowly became aware that something wasn’t right. Stretching out a hand to his left, he encountered nothing but empty space... cold, empty space. Jerking to full wakefulness, Charlie scanned the bedroom and finally figured out what was out of place.
With a quiet moan of grief, he let go of the dream-that-wasn’t in favor of the reality-that-was. It was 1996, not 2009. Bailey had only ever slept in his bed when forced to by short-handed sleeping arrangements and didn’t think of him as anything more than a brother. But more and more often lately, as evidenced by that dream, Charlie desperately wished that he would. His own happiness was already so wound up in his brother’s that by now, to his mind, at least, this was the next logical step.
But Bailey would never see it that way...
He stumbled down the stairs in a less than generous mood, frowning the entire way... until he walked into the kitchen. Bailey was at the table, trying to coax Owen into eating his cereal with his spoon instead of his fingers. And when his eyes lifted and met Charlie’s... there was a world of joy spread out in them, and maybe, just maybe... the hope of something more.
Questions, comments, papayas?
