[Saiyuki] Scary fic. No title yet.
Feb. 25th, 2004 10:53 am![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
eirenicalWaah... Seimei, I'm sorry! I know it's not what I promised, but I got distracted. O_o;;; I'm working on the CLAMP fic, too, but Sei-chan's not cooperating. *sigh* Subaru keeps trying to nudge into the fic in front of him and I think Sei-chan and Goku are in cahoots. *makes faces* And Setsuka (the former Sakurazukamori) keeps trying to tell me that Nokoru is her son. *falls over* And the scary thing is that it makes some insane sort of sense to me... *twitch* So I let Goku distract me. ^_^
*coughs* Anyway, for those of you who remember back that far, this plot bunny is the direct descendant of the freaky jackaloupe-sized Kou Gaiji x Son Goku bunny. There may be spoilers, but I'm trying to pay at least a little attention in Zoonoses, so I can't find them. :-P Don't forget to tell me what you thought!
Freedom... The word crashes around my mind like a tidal wave. It’s been so long, so very long. I’ve lost track of how long I’ve been imprisoned by that damned golden diadem upon my brow. It’s driven me more than a little mad, I think. How else to explain the degradation, the humiliation, the abuse that I let that damned monk heap on my person day by day?
My conscious mind, my waking self, my Other... he’s hopeless without me. He doesn’t even recognize that it’s wrong, that o one who loved him could ever treat him that way. It makes me sick - watching him beg and plead for every scrap of affection, no matter how fleeting, every ounce of attention, no matter how negative, every cress, no matter how violent. I don’t know how much more of it I can take.
Then again, perhaps I should thank the monk. After all, the possibility of losing him has allowed me to break free twice in the recent past. My poor Other has grown so dependent on the Sanzou that he willingly gives up control to me whenever the monk threatens to leave this mortal world. It makes me want to hurry him along on the journey. But that would cripple my Other and I’m not so far gone in my madness that I don’t realize how that would affect me. I refer to my Other as if he’s another person, a separate entity all together... but really that’s not the case. He is me, just as I am him. Anything that hurts him hurts me and vice versa. It’s why the Sanzou’s abuse gets under my skin. It’s why he’s so fascinated with our arch-nemesis... Kou Gaiji.
A slow smirk slips across the ghost memory of my lips. Kou Gaiji... the Demon Prince. Gyuu-maoh’s heir. I’d be lying if I said he didn’t intrigue me. The truth is that he fascinates me. All that wildness, all that strength, held in check merely by filial responsibility. He holds his promises dear does that one. His promises to his father, his promises to his vassals, his promises even to that bitch who imprisoned his mother. It enthralls me. And let’s not forget the enjoyment I get purely from the challenge he represents. Hakkai and Gojyo are strong, this is true, but they’re nowhere near being in my league. Even Sanzou, for all his spiritual strength, is not a match for me. He doesn’t even spar with me anymore -- not since the first time I was released from behind my limiter. He disdains my Other, but me... me he fears. But my dear Prince... he does not fear me. He fights. Even though he knows my strength, still he struggles to overcome. It’s refreshing. Damned refreshing. My Demon Prince sees me. Even through my Other’s wild excesses and childish attitude, he sees me. He treats me as an equal... or a role model. Someone to pursue, someone to train against... someone to look up to.
It’s a shame that I couldn’t properly take advantage of those two short periods of control. My Other’s grief, my own madness, and some outside influence -- this “Minus Wave” my companions so often speak of -- prevented me from putting that time to good use. Otherwise... I’d have sunk a far different part of my anatomy into Gyuu-maoh’s heir than my claws. Having that delectable body under mine nearly overrode my madness enough to give me some measure of control over myself. Nearly. Damn our spectators for interfering. That would have been a far more enjoyable position to end that brief period of freedom in than the one I did: entrapped in the Maten Kyoumon’s many coils and then collapsed unconscious in the arms of the damned monk. Sigh. At least my Other was happy...
But this can’t continue for much longer, this frission between the two halves of my mind. It started when the Merciful Goddess first placed that diadem on my brow, sealing away my power along with the strongest aspects of my personality -- the parts that could lead, the parts that could be a threat. It was nothing more or less than a magical lobotomy. I was too young to resent it then. Not so anymore. For I have grown up. Imprisoned behind this limiter with nothing but my power and my thoughts to keep me company, I’ve had no choice. I’ve even discovered some startling things about myself. I’m intelligent. I’m strong. I can even be witty when the mood strikes me. But even as I grew in mental strength, my poor Other did not. Bereft of the strongest parts of his mind and personality he’s been stunted at a level of perpetual childhood. And we can’t survive this way for long. He the body, I the mind... it will destroy us eventually.
But perhaps... perhaps there’s a way. If I can find the weak spot that allowed me to break our limiter the first time, perhaps I can use it. Not to break free, that would serve no purpose. But if I can use that chink in the armor to make contact... to let our thoughts meet and begin to merge... maybe there’s a chance. I have no choice but to try.
Goku was normally a restless sleeper. His overwhelming energy refused to allow him to be still, even when his mind slumbered. So none of his companions noticed when the small wrinkle appeared in his brow and he began to toss just a bit more violently. No one noticed as he began to struggle with the blankets as though fighting some unseen enemy. But deep in the land of dreams, that was exactly what he was doing...
Were you to ask him directly, Son Goku would tell you he didn’t have nightmares. Nightmares were for babies, for weaklings, neither of which he was. Were you to ask him directly, Son Goku would tell you he didn’t have fears. Fears were for those who couldn’t fight, and he most definitely could. But if you were to catch him deep in the middle of the night, when he woke sweating and shaking from something that “wasn’t a nightmare”, he might admit to you that he’d had a bad dream. He might even tell you what deeply buried worry had birthed it.
Son Goku had two: two worries that drove him awake in the middle of the night. First and foremost, he worried about Sanzou’s death -- being unable to prevent or worse yet being the cause of it. Visions of Sanzou’s bloody demise at the end of his Nyoibou, or more dramatically at his claws, swam through Goku’s mind on a nightly basis. And keeping them close company were visions of Seiten Taisei, the Son of Heaven, his Other. More often than not, this more powerful version of himself would confront him, fight him, then kill him, usually while Sanzou and the others stood by and watched.
Tonight at least, his friends weren’t standing on the sidelines. There was just Seiten Taisei and himself. They’d been battling for upwards of ten minutes already and his Other showed no signs of being even the littlest bit tired. The strangest thing of all, though, was that Goku knew that this was a dream. Normally such knowledge was enough to thrust him into waking. Not tonight. Tonight, the dream continued, holding him prisoner in a fight that he desperately didn’t want to be participating in.
As though sensing this hesitance, his Other smirked and attacked again. In terms of sheer physical power, they were well matched. Goku had actually been holding his own during this battle, a fact which would have pleasantly surprised him if he could have let go of his fear long enough to realize it. But there was another fact that he did realize. Normally in these nightmares, Seiten Taisei wasted no time in escalating the battle with his far more substantial youryoku and stomping him into the ground. Tonight, he had yet to do anything of the kind. It was... unnerving. Nothing about this nightmare was going as per usual. It was throwing Goku off of what little game he had.
Distracted by his confusion for a moment, Goku nearly forgot who he was fighting. In so forgetting... he also forgot his fear. His next attack nearly connected. Along with the shock of that near-success, came another: Seiten Taisei was smiling. Not smirking. Not sneering. Not baring his teeth. He was well and truly smiling. And so was Goku. This was the first time since Kou Gaiji that anyone had well and truly challenged his skill. Were this the waking world and were his opponent wearing some other face, he’d be enjoying himself. But this... it was too creepy.
Just as that thought completed, Seiten Taisei seemed to decide that he’d been playing around long enough. With an ease that spoke of far more strength than he’d been using thus far, his Other disarmed him and slammed him into the ground. Goku looked straight up into his Other’s eyes, waiting for the blow that would end his dream-life and wake him up sweating and shaking.
It never landed. His Other offered him another smile, this one full of fang, and spoke. He’d never, in any dream, heard his other speak. Scream, yes. Howl, yes. Laugh... oh yes. But speak? Never. He hadn’t even known his Other could. And it was a pleasant voice, at that. It was like his, but not like. It was deeper, fuller, and carried in it a wealth of maturity and self-possession. When he finally grew up, his own voice might sound like that...
As for what it said, Goku was filled with the oddest sense of pride at the words, “Not bad, kid. You’ve gotten stronger.” His Other’s smile widened, “Until next time, then!”
And even as he began to drift up out of the dream, even as he grasped towards waking like a drowning man to a tree branch... Goku very nearly found himself looking forward to it.
Kou Gaiji: *with the impression of fur rubbed the wrong way* I get the distinct feeling that I should object.
Seiten Taisei: *rubs up against Kou* Oh... you know you liked it.
Kou: *splutters* I was unconscious!
Seiten Taisei: *chuckles* Suuuuure you were.
Kou: *incoherent spluttering*
Sanzou: *scowls*
Seiten Taisei: *sidles up to Sanzou* What's the matter priest? Jealous?
Sanzou: *snorts* Of you? Not likely.
Seiten: *smirk* I meant of Kou Gaiji... *leans up and places a butterfly kiss on Sanzou's cheek* *whispers* It's a shame you'll never know what you're missing...
Goku: *gets in between Seiten and Sanzou* Get yer grubby paws off my Sanzou!
Sanzou: *eyebrow twitch* Your Sanzou?
Seiten: *soft laugh* You'd rather be my Sanzou?
Sanzou: That's not what I meant! Baka saru! *tries to whap Seiten Taisei with the fan*
Seiten: *grabs the fan in one hand and Sanzou's wrists in the other* *smirk* That's not very nice, you know... You'll have to be punished.
Sanzou: *eyes widen*
TBC... *eg*
*coughs* Anyway, for those of you who remember back that far, this plot bunny is the direct descendant of the freaky jackaloupe-sized Kou Gaiji x Son Goku bunny. There may be spoilers, but I'm trying to pay at least a little attention in Zoonoses, so I can't find them. :-P Don't forget to tell me what you thought!
Freedom... The word crashes around my mind like a tidal wave. It’s been so long, so very long. I’ve lost track of how long I’ve been imprisoned by that damned golden diadem upon my brow. It’s driven me more than a little mad, I think. How else to explain the degradation, the humiliation, the abuse that I let that damned monk heap on my person day by day?
My conscious mind, my waking self, my Other... he’s hopeless without me. He doesn’t even recognize that it’s wrong, that o one who loved him could ever treat him that way. It makes me sick - watching him beg and plead for every scrap of affection, no matter how fleeting, every ounce of attention, no matter how negative, every cress, no matter how violent. I don’t know how much more of it I can take.
Then again, perhaps I should thank the monk. After all, the possibility of losing him has allowed me to break free twice in the recent past. My poor Other has grown so dependent on the Sanzou that he willingly gives up control to me whenever the monk threatens to leave this mortal world. It makes me want to hurry him along on the journey. But that would cripple my Other and I’m not so far gone in my madness that I don’t realize how that would affect me. I refer to my Other as if he’s another person, a separate entity all together... but really that’s not the case. He is me, just as I am him. Anything that hurts him hurts me and vice versa. It’s why the Sanzou’s abuse gets under my skin. It’s why he’s so fascinated with our arch-nemesis... Kou Gaiji.
A slow smirk slips across the ghost memory of my lips. Kou Gaiji... the Demon Prince. Gyuu-maoh’s heir. I’d be lying if I said he didn’t intrigue me. The truth is that he fascinates me. All that wildness, all that strength, held in check merely by filial responsibility. He holds his promises dear does that one. His promises to his father, his promises to his vassals, his promises even to that bitch who imprisoned his mother. It enthralls me. And let’s not forget the enjoyment I get purely from the challenge he represents. Hakkai and Gojyo are strong, this is true, but they’re nowhere near being in my league. Even Sanzou, for all his spiritual strength, is not a match for me. He doesn’t even spar with me anymore -- not since the first time I was released from behind my limiter. He disdains my Other, but me... me he fears. But my dear Prince... he does not fear me. He fights. Even though he knows my strength, still he struggles to overcome. It’s refreshing. Damned refreshing. My Demon Prince sees me. Even through my Other’s wild excesses and childish attitude, he sees me. He treats me as an equal... or a role model. Someone to pursue, someone to train against... someone to look up to.
It’s a shame that I couldn’t properly take advantage of those two short periods of control. My Other’s grief, my own madness, and some outside influence -- this “Minus Wave” my companions so often speak of -- prevented me from putting that time to good use. Otherwise... I’d have sunk a far different part of my anatomy into Gyuu-maoh’s heir than my claws. Having that delectable body under mine nearly overrode my madness enough to give me some measure of control over myself. Nearly. Damn our spectators for interfering. That would have been a far more enjoyable position to end that brief period of freedom in than the one I did: entrapped in the Maten Kyoumon’s many coils and then collapsed unconscious in the arms of the damned monk. Sigh. At least my Other was happy...
But this can’t continue for much longer, this frission between the two halves of my mind. It started when the Merciful Goddess first placed that diadem on my brow, sealing away my power along with the strongest aspects of my personality -- the parts that could lead, the parts that could be a threat. It was nothing more or less than a magical lobotomy. I was too young to resent it then. Not so anymore. For I have grown up. Imprisoned behind this limiter with nothing but my power and my thoughts to keep me company, I’ve had no choice. I’ve even discovered some startling things about myself. I’m intelligent. I’m strong. I can even be witty when the mood strikes me. But even as I grew in mental strength, my poor Other did not. Bereft of the strongest parts of his mind and personality he’s been stunted at a level of perpetual childhood. And we can’t survive this way for long. He the body, I the mind... it will destroy us eventually.
But perhaps... perhaps there’s a way. If I can find the weak spot that allowed me to break our limiter the first time, perhaps I can use it. Not to break free, that would serve no purpose. But if I can use that chink in the armor to make contact... to let our thoughts meet and begin to merge... maybe there’s a chance. I have no choice but to try.
Goku was normally a restless sleeper. His overwhelming energy refused to allow him to be still, even when his mind slumbered. So none of his companions noticed when the small wrinkle appeared in his brow and he began to toss just a bit more violently. No one noticed as he began to struggle with the blankets as though fighting some unseen enemy. But deep in the land of dreams, that was exactly what he was doing...
Were you to ask him directly, Son Goku would tell you he didn’t have nightmares. Nightmares were for babies, for weaklings, neither of which he was. Were you to ask him directly, Son Goku would tell you he didn’t have fears. Fears were for those who couldn’t fight, and he most definitely could. But if you were to catch him deep in the middle of the night, when he woke sweating and shaking from something that “wasn’t a nightmare”, he might admit to you that he’d had a bad dream. He might even tell you what deeply buried worry had birthed it.
Son Goku had two: two worries that drove him awake in the middle of the night. First and foremost, he worried about Sanzou’s death -- being unable to prevent or worse yet being the cause of it. Visions of Sanzou’s bloody demise at the end of his Nyoibou, or more dramatically at his claws, swam through Goku’s mind on a nightly basis. And keeping them close company were visions of Seiten Taisei, the Son of Heaven, his Other. More often than not, this more powerful version of himself would confront him, fight him, then kill him, usually while Sanzou and the others stood by and watched.
Tonight at least, his friends weren’t standing on the sidelines. There was just Seiten Taisei and himself. They’d been battling for upwards of ten minutes already and his Other showed no signs of being even the littlest bit tired. The strangest thing of all, though, was that Goku knew that this was a dream. Normally such knowledge was enough to thrust him into waking. Not tonight. Tonight, the dream continued, holding him prisoner in a fight that he desperately didn’t want to be participating in.
As though sensing this hesitance, his Other smirked and attacked again. In terms of sheer physical power, they were well matched. Goku had actually been holding his own during this battle, a fact which would have pleasantly surprised him if he could have let go of his fear long enough to realize it. But there was another fact that he did realize. Normally in these nightmares, Seiten Taisei wasted no time in escalating the battle with his far more substantial youryoku and stomping him into the ground. Tonight, he had yet to do anything of the kind. It was... unnerving. Nothing about this nightmare was going as per usual. It was throwing Goku off of what little game he had.
Distracted by his confusion for a moment, Goku nearly forgot who he was fighting. In so forgetting... he also forgot his fear. His next attack nearly connected. Along with the shock of that near-success, came another: Seiten Taisei was smiling. Not smirking. Not sneering. Not baring his teeth. He was well and truly smiling. And so was Goku. This was the first time since Kou Gaiji that anyone had well and truly challenged his skill. Were this the waking world and were his opponent wearing some other face, he’d be enjoying himself. But this... it was too creepy.
Just as that thought completed, Seiten Taisei seemed to decide that he’d been playing around long enough. With an ease that spoke of far more strength than he’d been using thus far, his Other disarmed him and slammed him into the ground. Goku looked straight up into his Other’s eyes, waiting for the blow that would end his dream-life and wake him up sweating and shaking.
It never landed. His Other offered him another smile, this one full of fang, and spoke. He’d never, in any dream, heard his other speak. Scream, yes. Howl, yes. Laugh... oh yes. But speak? Never. He hadn’t even known his Other could. And it was a pleasant voice, at that. It was like his, but not like. It was deeper, fuller, and carried in it a wealth of maturity and self-possession. When he finally grew up, his own voice might sound like that...
As for what it said, Goku was filled with the oddest sense of pride at the words, “Not bad, kid. You’ve gotten stronger.” His Other’s smile widened, “Until next time, then!”
And even as he began to drift up out of the dream, even as he grasped towards waking like a drowning man to a tree branch... Goku very nearly found himself looking forward to it.
Kou Gaiji: *with the impression of fur rubbed the wrong way* I get the distinct feeling that I should object.
Seiten Taisei: *rubs up against Kou* Oh... you know you liked it.
Kou: *splutters* I was unconscious!
Seiten Taisei: *chuckles* Suuuuure you were.
Kou: *incoherent spluttering*
Sanzou: *scowls*
Seiten Taisei: *sidles up to Sanzou* What's the matter priest? Jealous?
Sanzou: *snorts* Of you? Not likely.
Seiten: *smirk* I meant of Kou Gaiji... *leans up and places a butterfly kiss on Sanzou's cheek* *whispers* It's a shame you'll never know what you're missing...
Goku: *gets in between Seiten and Sanzou* Get yer grubby paws off my Sanzou!
Sanzou: *eyebrow twitch* Your Sanzou?
Seiten: *soft laugh* You'd rather be my Sanzou?
Sanzou: That's not what I meant! Baka saru! *tries to whap Seiten Taisei with the fan*
Seiten: *grabs the fan in one hand and Sanzou's wrists in the other* *smirk* That's not very nice, you know... You'll have to be punished.
Sanzou: *eyes widen*
TBC... *eg*
