Fuck, I hate getting grades back...

...one day I'm going to write a suicide note and name all the professors who spent their free time taking potshots at my self esteem until I had none left to stand on.

Picture this: You're lying in bed and you've just fallen asleep. Literally. And then your pager goes off. You call in to find out what the hell is up. It's an opossum. It needs to be euthanised. Terrific. So you go in. And you do what you need to do. Then on the way out, you figure you'll stop and check your mailbox to see if the orientation forms for next rotation are there yet. They're not. What is there, is your grade from the one portion of the equine rotation you managed to complete before your back sent you to the floor screaming in pain for a month. Oh joy. Oh rapture. Oh fuck.

You know why this sucks? Not because of the grade. You know you got a 'C' so there won't be any surprise there. It's what they say in the comments that makes it suck.

Allow me to explain. See, you know that of the two weeks you were on that sub-rotation, you were trying to relearn everything you knew about horses. You haven't been near one (with one exception) for about 6 years and you've never treated one medically before. Naturally this means you won't be very good at anything you're doing... and equally naturally it means that the professor will expect you to be an expert. Doesn't seem fair? It isn't. That's the point.

So, on to the problem. You have nine things that you're graded on and then the professor is free to write comments at the bottom. Again with the "oh joy". In each of these categories you can receive one of five grades: unsatisfactory, below expectations, meets expectations, above expectations and outstanding. I received one "below expectations" -- in Procedural skills -- and the attached description read: Inept or careless. Poor preperation, organization and execution. Disregard for patient risk and comfort.

Excuse me, what the fuck?????

I am not inept -- however hard it may be to believe with professors telling me exactly that at every turn. As for poorly prepared... It was field service! The professor never told us what we were doing until we did it... so it was a little difficult to always be prepared. I tried. I tried damned hard. I didn't always succeed, but neither did anyone else. Or so I thought. Moving on. Organization... OK, I'll give him that one. I'm not well organized. Execution... Hello? See comment about not knowing a damned thing about horses when it comes to medical treatment. And that last remark... I just won't touch. My patient is always my number one concern. Period. If he couldn't see that... he's fucking blind.

So -- all the minor bullshit aside, I wasn't that mad about the "below expectations". You'll remember, I was expecting a 'C'. I even got a fairly high 'C' -- not that it makes a wit of difference... No, what got me all riled up was the comment he put at the bottom. Now, don't get me wrong. If a professor has a valid complaint about my skills or performance and wants to elaborate, I'm all for that. If they have a bit of praise to share, I'm even more for that. What I don't appreciate is a professor trying to psychoanalyze me and then commenting on the supposed thoughts that were in my head. That's fucking arrogant and completely out of line.

First, before I share this comment, an explanation: On one of the farms that we made calls to, one of the things we did was take radiographs. We did this over two visits. There were six of us on the rotation (normally there are only five) and there are only three jobs to do when taking radiographs -- one of which is done by the professor. If you stretch it, you can make it four jobs. And no one was willing to trade off on jobs. Meanwhile, I noticed a barn cat that looked unhealthy. I examined her more closely and discovered that she had a hole in her shoulder about an inch in diameter. *deadpan* I was concerned. I spent some time with her. At the time, the professory only remarked that he couldn't stand cats and never wanted to treat them. I should have known right then that I was in trouble. Oops. Not a mind reader.

So, the comment: "Spent too much time with cats on farms instead of assisting with procedures. I know you were originally part of a different class, but try and work with our classmates."

I can bite the bullet and take the cat comment. He blew it out of proportion, but I should have been paying more attention to the horse... since it was an equine rotation. But the second comment was completely fucking uncalled for. I work perfectly well the people in my "new" class (which I've been a part of for 2 1/2 years now) it's just that on that day, I was more concerned about the cat which had a hole in its body and was clearly in pain and in need of some attention than the horse which was limping... every now and then... a little bit... when it rained. You know. It had nothing to do with how well I do or don't work with my classmates.

ASSHOLE.

*continues fuming* And now I'm not going to get back to sleep for another three hours I'm so fucking pissed. Maybe I should just go read fanfiction until I pass out. I'm too incoherent to write anything decent.

Good night, everyone.